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Diaryland
Religious upbringing (3) 2003-11-29 @ 11:11 a.m.
Here's more of my religious history. If you're tired of the subject (I don't blame you - I get tired of it myself) go read one of my other entries.
When my family moved from Long Beach up to Redmond, WA, the tenor of my religious life changed significantly. The Reform movement is a lot weaker up in Washington from what I gather. Many years after we first moved up there, when I was in high school, I finally found a Reform congregation in our area. Congregation Kol Ami was its name - it was a little group that gathered at a protestant church on church row in Woodinville. I don't know whether my dad was ever aware or not they were there, or if he knew and he just prefered to go to a real established congregation with a real strong feeling of community and ritual. Or maybe they weren't around then - I don't know.
We ended up becoming members of Temple DeHirsch/Sinai, which was a pair of Conservative Temples which had merged awhile ago. Why they merged I don't remember - I suspect declining membership was probably a factor. Anyway, Temple became a pain from the start because the two synagogues were really far from home. Well, the Bellevue synagogue wasn't too far, but we never got to do anything there! The way they structured the religious program, all the kids that were my age and up had to go to Sunday School in Seattle, on Queen Anne Hill. This was like a two hour drive every Sunday. Pain in the ass for my mom to drive me, pain in the ass for me 'cause I had to get up early. And then the folks in Seattle are all insensitive and make demands on us like we live right down the hill. We have to remind them that we're coming all the way over from the Eastside, and they're like, "Really? Why would you come so far" Grrr...
But on reflection, the commute was probably the least annoying part about Hebrew School in Seattle. The focus of my classes had totally changed, and a lot of times I had really incompetant teachers. They would show up late, run half-assed classes, and teach us material meant for kindergarteners! It was so boring and pointless - I actually fell asleep in class a couple weeks and nobody really cared! When our teachers were too lazy to do their half-assed teaching, they sent us to the kiddy departments - like "art class" and "music class" where we got to make collages and sing about how our gardens grow. Oh YEAH.
When we weren't doing kiddy stuff, we were either being pumped full of Zionist propaganda bullshit or getting a crash-course in Hebrew to prepare us for B'nai Mitzvahs. Hebrew was so frustrating because I had only had pieces of it when I was younger, and suddenly they thrust me in and expected me to become fluent in like one year!
Hebrew teachers, by the way, tend to be cranky old ladies from Israel that see themselves on a God-given mission to help us poor American Jewish kids become "true" Jews. A true Jew, according to the cranky old Hebrew teacher definition, has the following characteristics:
1) They speak fluent Hebrew
2) They have been to Israel at least once and plan on returning for several future visits. They should live there for a few years to really absorb the "flavor" of it. If they are truly devoted, they'll become citizens (She neglected to mention to us that all Israeli citizens below a certain age are required to do two years of military service. Shooting Palestinians - yeah, I really dig that :P)
3) They are totally devoted to Zionism and never question the Israeli government and its policies.
4) They believe the entire world is out to get them because they are "God's chosen people" and everyone else is jealous. If the Jews don't fight like cornered animals, they will be driven into the sea.
I like to joke, in a sick serious kind of way, that I only really got two Hebrew words down pat: Lo, which means no, and sheket, which means quiet. I once got really frustrated and told my hebrew teacher that I was sick of being Jewish. I don't know if I really meant that - but I was definately sick of this form of it.
"Details in the Fabric" - May 31, 2009
Not So Quick Questions - April 6, 2009
The Morning Stars - Lords of the 15 - April 9, 2009
Sincerity and Faith in Magic - April 10, 2009
Not So Quick Questions (2) - April 14, 2009
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