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Diaryland
Religious upbringing (1) 2003-11-28 @ 11:43 p.m.
I want to start writing more about religious and spiritual issues because they have become such a huge part of my life. I spend a lot of time and energy in pursuit of the Divine, and a lot of the things I'm going through lately are related to it. But before I can talk about the stuff happening lately, I think I need to go back and explain my background when it comes to these things. Its a long story but I suppose I could tell it in parts. Maybe you (and I for that matter) can understand things in a better light if I try my best to show you where I'm coming from.
I'm trying to think back and remember when religion first became a part of my life, or maybe when I first heard the word "God". I'm not having much luck. I would gather from the family photos I've seen that it started out with the holidays. Holy-days... I guess it makes sense if you think about it. Man first approached the Divine through ritual, and the first rituals children see in our society are probably the holidays. In my case, I'm thinking it was probably either Chanukkah or Passover where I got my first exposure to religion.
Now, as I have explained previously, my dad and his family are Jewish, and my mom's family is Christian. My mom and dad decided to raise my brother and I as Jews. I don't want to argue about whether or not that was a good decision, although I think it was for reasons I'll explain later. For now, let's just look at why they would decide that.
My mom was raised Catholic and from what I understand, it was a mixed experience. I haven't talked to her much about it - maybe I should. She had some abusive nuns on a discipline rampage one year from what I understand, but my grandpa the cop came in and sorted that up real quick. The other main story I remember is that she had nightmares for weeks after seeing "the Exorcist" when it came out, apparently because she had been taught that things like Satan and posession were real and it could happen to people. Her religious experience couldn't have been all bad though, because she's recalled wanting to be a nun at one point and spoke about New Testament stories occasionaly. She definately had issues with the official church stances on a lot of things - heck, her whole generation did. I mean, here's a whole bunch of kids asking "Why? Why? Why?" and the church isn't even bothering to answer the questions, its just clamping down and yelling "Because I said so and I'm infallible!" In case you ever get into theology, please remember that appeals to infallibility are a real twinkie defense. So my mom's kinda formed her own philosophy about life and God, probably collected from several sources. Good for her. I'm gathering though that she didn't see it as a big loss for my brother and I not to be raised Catholic. Whether or not she would see such an upbringing as actually being bad or even dangerous I do not know. My mom challenges clergy, but she also seems to believe that without religion, people couldn't be moral. "We wanted to give you a basic set of moral tools" is the kind of justification she gives for why we were raised with any religion at all. I remember asking her if she thought people could be moral without relgion, but I don't remember her reply.
My dad and his family probably felt there was more at stake religious wise. Whether or not its actually true, there is a perception that exists that Judaism is disappearing from the face of the Earth. And when the times grow darker, the feelings of responsibility and impending annhilation only grows stronger. Jews haven't been big on proselytizing since Roman times. In fact, proselytes, when they do arise, are often initially regarded with suspicion and tested to see if they are sincere and dedicated to becoming a good Jew. This is inconceivable to most Christians I think, because it seems exclusionist. But to be a Jew is to be an heir to a great responsibility and to be subject to a great deal of persecution for the sake of that responsibility. It is not for everyone, but only for those who are willing to live up to it. For most of history, Jews have not been fixated on proselytizing because they know that everybody's gonna be ok eventually and that God doesn't punish the Gentiles just for not being Jews. The world is blessed through the Jews, and righteous gentiles are counted to be greater than wicked Jews. It was more important to the Rabbis of the Talmudic era that those who practice Judaism be sincere, responsible and holy, rather then the reputation and sanctity of the Jewish people be profaned for the sake of getting more followers.
Besides the religious upbringing, there's a whole cultural heritage that my dad's family wants to share with me. One other thing worth mentioning about my mom is that she never really saw that much difference at the core of the two religions. "They disagree about whether or not Jesus was the Messiah," my mom would say, "But I figure that if you love the Father, do good and try to live an ethical life, then you can't help but make the Son happy". And I agreed. I grew up believing that it didn't matter to God what religion you were as long as you followed the golden rule and lived your life in as good a manner as you could. The differences between Judaism and Christianity were minor and not important to me - living a life of love, compassion and justice was what mattered. It was not until high school then I began to meet people who believed that allegiance to a creed was more important to God than the manner in which you live your life.
I still agree with my mom I think, although nowadays I think it takes more to really serve God than just living a good, well-intentioned American life. To me, its not a question of whether God loves us or not - I don't question that. Its more about how we act in accordance with that love, and whether we pick any one place where we say "this is enough - this is God's portion". The problem with people is that they see spirituality and morality as being a place to arrive at, rather than a continuous and dynamic process. They think that if they just follow the right rules, or believe the right creeds, or convert enough people to their way of thinking, they'll be ok in God's sight. In a sense they are, because God doesn't operate in terms of deserve vs. doesn't deserve. What they don't understand is that spirituality is a journey, not a destination. You're never "there", not because you can't make God happy or because you're not perfect, but because perfection, whether partial or total, is not the goal. The world changes one person at a time, but when a person comes to believe they've "found it", whatever it may be, then they stop searching and growing. At that point, their lives become all about mastering "it", enforcing it on themselves and others, and defending it against critics. Eventually, they can't see themselves apart from it, and upholding it becomes more important than the truth or the happiness of themselves and others. What is "it"? It can be all sorts of things. A book of scriptures, an idea, a philosophy. A person, a school, a statue. A government, an economy, a posession. Whatever "it" is, it is not the God of our Hearts and Realization, and it is inevitably idolatrous. The Buddhists have a wonderful saying - "If you meet a Buddha on the road, kill him". "Why do you call me righteous?" Christ once responded. "There is no one who is righteous except the One God." I wonder if most Christians would have to courage to face Jesus himself if he challenged truth they had experienced that sang in their souls. I doubt such a situation would ever be necessary since I think Jesus knew his stuff and has only been misunderstood and appropriated for political ends. But if I ever had to oppose him for the sake of Truth, I would. My sensei once taught me that the greatest respect you could pay a teacher was to surpass them, and Jesus taught that "you shall do greater things than these".
"Details in the Fabric" - May 31, 2009
Not So Quick Questions - April 6, 2009
The Morning Stars - Lords of the 15 - April 9, 2009
Sincerity and Faith in Magic - April 10, 2009
Not So Quick Questions (2) - April 14, 2009
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