Bio
Latest
This Year
Last Year
Older
Music
Links
Profile
Notes
E-Mail
Diaryland
Downhill at School (rant) 2004-02-24 @ 3:51 p.m.
What else is going on? Well, I managed to miss going to my Physics lab today because I stayed over at Andy's. I thought the class was at 11, or even 1. Maybe 10. It never crossed my mind that it could be at 9 am. And I should know by now. Except I've only been to one class. This is a classed I switched into, so I missed the first two weeks. And there was no class last week because our lab instructor wanted an extended president's day weekend vacation. It was on my computer, but I didn't check like the idiot I am. And we had a lab due today. A formal one. Which I have done but don't know really how to write up into a formal. I wonder if he even accepts late papers. I wonder if I can switch to pass/fail grading on that class. Its not like I'm a physics major - but I do need a science lab to graduate.
Ah physics - the class I hate to love. Its the one field where all the otherwise useless math I've learned suddenly gels into meaning and purpose and application. Its also the class where I'm behind on homework and can rarely follow through a problem to its successful solution. Well, at least I'm not alone - almost nobody else is getting it either. But I'm without excuse, because if I really sat down and spent the time to read the chapters and really do the problems, I'd probably get it down.
Its high school all over again. Mr. Town is still laughing at me for believing in astrology and writing in big fat marker on my half-assed paper. "When are you going to become a student?"
If it were just about doing the work, of course it'd be that simple.
The truth is I hate school. I've always hated it. I can't believe I want to be a professor and subject myself to it for the rest of my life. What the hell am I thinking?
I just can't bend my mind to work with a schedule. I can't force myself to work on schoolwork when my life is falling apart.
"School comes first" "School comes first".
FUCK SCHOOL
All the schooling in the world amounts to nothing if I've lived my life the wrong way. If I make the wrong choices, if I fail to have the kind of relationships that whole people have. Family, friends, teachers, students, God, country. Self.
I don't have any good excuses. I never did. I don't even understand it myself, so how could my parents ever get it? Somehow I got out of last semester with a 3.something GPA. Mostly because of Professor Ezra's kindness . But I don't know if I can do it again. And how in the hell am I supposed to get my grades good enough for grad school? And not just any old grad school mind you, because according to my professor, unless I want to end up teaching at a community college, I have to go to a damn good school. Its still all about the name when it comes to grad school.
Maybe I'm just clinging to school because its the only system I've ever really understood. Something I could maneuver in, and if not really succeed, still gain knowledge and impress people with the intellect God gave me. Not that there's anything else they appreciate about me. Take away my brain - the brain my father thinks is better than his - and I'm nothing. I don't have anything worth your time.
"Details in the Fabric" - May 31, 2009
Not So Quick Questions - April 6, 2009
The Morning Stars - Lords of the 15 - April 9, 2009
Sincerity and Faith in Magic - April 10, 2009
Not So Quick Questions (2) - April 14, 2009
|
CURRENT MOON moon phase |
