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Diaryland
Trembling before G-d 2004-03-14 @ 1:24 p.m.
Well, I'm out of money... again. Not that I'm complaining, because it really is my fault. I just had to order that rare book on Gnosis and the Law that still hasn't arrived. I like to think excess food is a worthy sacrifice to offer up for the sake of knowledge. But all should be good again tomorrow when my parents send me some money. I'll be more conservative with my spending next time.
One of the items I did spend my money on was a documentary I'd been wanting to see for awhile called "Trembling before G-d". Its about gay and lesbian Orthodox and Hasidic Jews, and the paradox they find themelves in, seemingly having to choose between their religion and families or their romantic happiness. I asked the BIGLASS folks on the list-serve if I could organize a viewing, and they said it would be a great idea. One of my corollary ideas was to invite the guys from Hillel to join us and have a dialogue about religious faith and sexual orientation. What's so powerful about this film is that it shows really heartbreaking stories about gay people suffering for the sake of piety. I think for so many people who condemn homosexuality, they see it only in terms of the behavior and don't see the real human struggle involved. Such limited choices are offered to religious people: get married and live a lie that hurts you and your family, live out your sexual orientation and be ostracized from your community, or be celibate for the rest of your life.
I watched the film with Baruch the other day and he seemed to have a stronger reaction to it than I did. I figured out why - I've been dealing with this catch-22 for so long now that I can't see the forest for the trees anymore. I'm in such pain sometimes, feeling like I have to choose between spiritual love and romantic love. I don't think Pauline Christians really have any good theological arguments against homosexuality, since they don't follow Mosaic law or ascribe to its culture, but being Jewish, it pains me to think I might be breaking a commandment that warrants death. I know there is a greater power, and I know Moses was inspired. But how am I supposed to discern between what comes from God and what men have merely attributed to him? If I simply pick and choose based on my likes and dislikes, I am no better than the fundamentalists.
I guess the only solution for me that I see is to seek to follow in Moses' footsteps and commune with God myself. I think the LORD is the only one who can really answer this question for me. I am sure He has the answers for all of us.
"Details in the Fabric" - May 31, 2009
Not So Quick Questions - April 6, 2009
The Morning Stars - Lords of the 15 - April 9, 2009
Sincerity and Faith in Magic - April 10, 2009
Not So Quick Questions (2) - April 14, 2009
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