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Diaryland
Longing for the Beloved 2004-05-07 @ 12:13 p.m.
A lot of people in our culture think about God maybe once a week, if even that. I think about God almost all the time. In one respect, this is a good thing - we weren't meant to only think about the bigger picture and how we are behaving in respect to it only once a week. Our morals and our relationship to creation and Creator should factor into every moment of our lives. At the same time, considering the Divine as much as I do is like wrestling with an angel. You get the whole gamut of emotions. Sometimes I am grateful, happy, reverent, joyful. Other times I am afraid, confused, angry, sad and depressed. Yet through it all, I don't think I've ever really stopped desiring God, or rather that transcendant Being that is so much more than that word can convey. I think the truth is that all of us love God - it is just that not all of us are conscious of it. Every time we acknowledge something beautiful, cringe at something ugly, or long for meaning, we are expressing desire to be with God.
Of course, the word "God", in our culture, has become laden with so much human negativity, that many people are repelled by it. For many who were raised in Christianity especially, ignorance of the soul of that faith has led to a corruption and defilement of its form and practice, so that seekers have had to look for aid outside of the religion they were raised in. What a sad state of affairs, that a word that once stood for something so holy, wonderful and loving has become the watchword of fear, guilt, tyranny and corruption. The NAME of God has been defiled - the keys of the Kingdom have been thrown away. I wish the best for those who have had to seek paths that are foreign to their upbringing, and I pray that eventually, they will be able to look upon the faith of their fathers with new eyes, sympathy and understanding. I pray that the NAME of God be cleansed of all the ugliness that people have accrued to it.
I believe that all of us long for the Being that in my language I call God. God fills the gap in our souls that neither materialism, hedonism, intellectualism, fanaticism... indeed, any kind of "ism", cannot fill. It is not enough to simply believe in God, although it is a good starting point. Faith is the first virtue, and hopelessness the first sin. But only Union with the Divine will fully satisfy our desire, our hunger for all good things, in Heaven and Earth.
I long to be One with God, because every day I feel the pain of consciously being separate from the Divine. I am like a lover who is trapped in a far country, unable to return to his Beloved. At times, I wonder if my Love must think poorly of me. I wonder if I am scorned, abandoned or even forgotten. I know that my Love is just, and that the bad things I do from time to time - my sins, if you will - bring no pleasure to Him. Yet, I try... indeed, I MUST believe, that He loves me still, in spite of it all. I hope with my heart that like the prodigal son, even though I may not be worthy anymore to be called Son, the Love of my God will be so much greater at my return that nothing will stand in the way, and that all wounds will be healed with time.
To be united again with God - my Creator, my Father/Mother, my Beloved. I refuse to believe that all of us must simply wait to physically die in order to have a chance. We have the responsibility to reunite with God NOW, while we are alive. As I search through religion and mysticism for that Way, the Way to Reunite, I find hints, whsipers and clues; allusions to a narrow path and a baptism of fire. I pray with all my heart that I will walk this path, overcome all obstacles, and meet the Beloved that my heart remembers, and embrace Him. I pray that day be sooner than later.
"Details in the Fabric" - May 31, 2009
Not So Quick Questions - April 6, 2009
The Morning Stars - Lords of the 15 - April 9, 2009
Sincerity and Faith in Magic - April 10, 2009
Not So Quick Questions (2) - April 14, 2009
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