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Diaryland
Unending dreams 2004-05-24 @ 9:09 a.m.
They say I sleep like an angel. Maybe I look that way on the outside, but it is anything but angelic on the inside. I may sleep still and quiet, but the corollary is that I wake up feeling as stiff as a corpse and even in pain in some places. My mind doesn't want to rest even when I am dreaming. The endless chain of questions and answers that runs through my head every day just keeps on going while I'm asleep, just in a more twisted way. I am not able to answer the questions there either - possibilities and potentials just keep arguing amongst themselves and finding weaknesses in everything.
I have days from time to time where nothing seems real, like I'm just watching it from a distance. Things seemed so much more alive when I was younger, now it feels like a disaster movie where you know what's coming but it isn't there yet. The hero gets past a certain point, and his Eden is lost. He doesn't know if he'll ever get it back again, and the movie could very well end in sacrifice. He just goes on, working with the scales tipped towards darkness and the innocence and beauty he once enjoyed behind him. They have not disapeared - just been revealed to be tiny, little pieces of perspective. To dwell on them again as you once did would be to pretend the rest of the picture wasn't there - a huge irresponsibility when people are suffering and action is demanded. The world will be a dark and evil place, until the hero is able to discover a New Jerusalem, and eat from the Tree of Life the same way he ate from the Tree of Knowledge.
"Details in the Fabric" - May 31, 2009
Not So Quick Questions - April 6, 2009
The Morning Stars - Lords of the 15 - April 9, 2009
Sincerity and Faith in Magic - April 10, 2009
Not So Quick Questions (2) - April 14, 2009
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