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Diaryland
Life shouldn't be an Endurance Test March 21, 2005 @ 2:18 p.m.
Slowly I'm getting more of a hold on things and catching up with some work. I tend to overestimate how much time it will take me to get various things done. I moan that it will take several hours when it may only take two. Or I forget about how I learn to do things faster as I go and find shortcuts along the way.
It look like I'll be going with my family to Bear Valley next weekend. I invited Nick to come, but likely he won't be able to make it. Too short a notice - too expensive. Still, if Stacy doesn't drive me nuts, it should be a nice weekend. Well, unless Jon brings some friends or a significant other and I have to look like the loser older brother AGAIN.
I was watching more episodes of Everybody Loves Raymond the other night, and marvelling about how it brings up so many feelings in me. Its a fairly simple and straightforward show; you might even call it a sitcom. Still, there's so many topics in there that the characters touch on that really hit a nerve with me. It makes me sad, scared, excited, and happy all at the same time to think about my own future - what it will be like for me a decade or two from now. I realize that the things that make most people happy and contentment are just not enough for me. I never have and never will fit into the mold. And yet, for all my religious passions and big ideas, I often wish I could just leave them behind and enjoy the stages of life that everyone enjoys. Love, family, children, marriage, a home, a career. I'm so afraid to compromise, and more afraid that I'll have to. I don't want to have any more regrets, and I want to live a moral life in which I live up to the full responsibility of a human soul. Yet, I don't want my life to just amount to an endurance test. I want the refuge of human relationships and ordinary pleasures, even if they can be shallow or transient. To look back on my life and have gotten little enjoyment from it would be just as bad as to look back on it and find little accomplished. Balance - I'm looking for it again.
"Details in the Fabric" - May 31, 2009
Not So Quick Questions - April 6, 2009
The Morning Stars - Lords of the 15 - April 9, 2009
Sincerity and Faith in Magic - April 10, 2009
Not So Quick Questions (2) - April 14, 2009
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