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Diaryland
Back to Basics (Rant) March 29, 2005 @ 4:07 p.m.
I am boiling things down, figuring out what to do and where to go next. My goals for now are hard but fairly straightforward: Get out of my family's house and become financially independant. While getting a place of my own is preferable, living out of my car would suffice at this point. These people are driving me nuts. And what drives me more nuts is how indebted and dependant on them I am. That has to end soon.
Is it possible to live off the land anymore, or has civilization completely destroyed the possibility of that? The idea sounds strange, but I am seriously considering learning some more survival skills. Maybe its impossible to live fully independant of other humans now, but I could still do it to a larger degree. I dug up my dad's old boy scout field guide and I'm going through that as a starting point. I remember a lot from scouts, but the main issue is food. Can I learn enough about plants to be able to find edible food wherever I end up? Can a person even remain a vegetarian or is that too much to hope for?
In the event that my attempt to say "FUCK YOU" to the world isn't as succesful as I hope, I am also going to start doing some serious research on jobs and go ahead and finish college. I thought I wanted to be a professor, but that looks to be drifting out of likelihood. Even if I was willing to go to grad school, between my grades and now this second semester of undergraduate fucking up, no one will want me. So for now I'll find a job that will pay decently but also pay the bills, something I can use my skills in and that might be semi-enjoyable. This is work we're talking about here though, so we'll see.
And then there's the spiritual priority I've developed. I have to figure this out - how to open myself up and how to find a Spirit I can trust. I want to know Truth, the whole Truth, and nothing but the truth. In all its beauty and ugliness. All the possibility for horror and joy. The way I figure it, absolute truth probably cares about me on a microscopic level. But if I could just find the Trustworthy One, than I'd be OK. I wonder if any such Spirit could really rise to the occasion, or if all the gods of Jews and Gentiles are deceivers. I just have to experience Gnosis and decide for myself.
"Details in the Fabric" - May 31, 2009
Not So Quick Questions - April 6, 2009
The Morning Stars - Lords of the 15 - April 9, 2009
Sincerity and Faith in Magic - April 10, 2009
Not So Quick Questions (2) - April 14, 2009
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