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Diaryland
Where does this road go? May 02, 2005 @ 12:20 a.m.
The best writing almost always comes from your own life experiences. Truth is stranger than fiction. This is one aphorism that I can actually attest is true. In that spirit, here goes some more fleshing out (or flushing out) of my thoughts. In no particular order.
For a 22 year old, I've probably already done a ridiculously huge amount of driving in my life. This likely has to do with my habit of visiting friends and family in other counties, and often other states.
When I first began to really get into this, driving long distances wasn't that big a deal. Right after you get your license, you're intoxicated with your car. It isn't just a vehicle for the roads, its a vehicle for your life's ambitions. You feel an amazing sense of freedom and possibility. You could drive anywhere, and thus you can go anywhere. Later down the line, having spent more time with your car, you find it isn't giving you that kind of thrill anymore unless you're heading out of town with it on some adventure. Now, when you stop thinking of long trips as adventures and start groaning about them, you're kind of where I'm at.
I've taken many long trips on the road by myself, and many more frequent trips that aren't as long but can be more tedious in some ways because they're more necessary. Hopping around the Bay area for instance. School is in the North Bay. Parents are in the East Bay. Mystical enlightenment is in the South Bay. Clubbing is in the city. Date is in Sacramento. Everything requires at least an hour drive, usually more. What pisses me off so much is that I never thought something as shallow as driving time would discourage me from going to all these places I enjoy going to. But its true - the commute is a bitch. I want to say that if there wasn't so much traffic, I wouldn't mind, but that isn't the case. Most of the time I'm driving through pretty smooth areas. There's just no way around the distance, and my experiments in teleportation magic have failed thusfar - although all that visualization did guarantee me a parking space, so I'm making some progress.
Usually, I listen to my CDs. Usually I sing along with them and experience various levels of catharsis. But even my favorite CDs get worn out, and I get sick of them - to my horror. The radio is notoriously obnoxious. I have to constantly surf back and forth to find a station that's actually playing music and not commercials. When I do, I'm lucky if its a song I like. The corporate stations are shallow and annoying, but KPFA makes me all depressed, so I can't win. Now and then I'll take a gamble and listen to something I'd never listen to on the chance I might hear something I'd like and enter a new genre. But as much as I surprised my self by deveoping a taste for some Country and Bluegrasss, I'll doubt I'll ever appreciate Christian, Jazz, or the Spanish stations. Although, gospel could be fun.
When the music isn't pining out for me, I don't have much left to work with. Once in a great while I get a hold of an Audiobook, but that's rare because I don't have a tape player and have to get them as CDs. If you didn't know already, audiobooks on CD are horribly expensive. Some of them are worth three of the actual books they're reading.
Usually what happens is I think. Obsessively.
Sometimes it is a good thing. I can be creative, or philosophical, or plan something out. Most of the time though, I have to be very careful, because usually I either fall into vicious cycles of thoughts, or I end up replaying Buffy episodes in my head. Either way, I end up asking questions that I can't get answered and am not so much intent on getting answered as having my frustration acknowledged. Does life have to be this difficult? Is it stupid for me to hope for a happy ending? Why couldn't Angel and Buffy have worked it out? And whatever happened to Oz?
The thing I'm getting to hate about these trips is I get in the car, start up the engine, and settle in for two hours of all thought and no chance for action.
Not that I'm very good at action either.
"Details in the Fabric" - May 31, 2009
Not So Quick Questions - April 6, 2009
The Morning Stars - Lords of the 15 - April 9, 2009
Sincerity and Faith in Magic - April 10, 2009
Not So Quick Questions (2) - April 14, 2009
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