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Diaryland
Holding Up My Weight October 11, 2005 @ 5:41 p.m.
Its been another lazy day here. Spent too much time playing Final Fantasy again, but this won't last much longer - I've almost gotten everything in the game. Generally, when Jon and I play an RPG, we play once through just to beat it, and another time where we try to get every goodie we can. Afterwhich, the game is retired for a while.
I got my first paycheck in the mail from Dor Hadash today. It only covered through September and seemed to have left out my orientation time, but I was just happy to have some of my own money that DIDN'T come from my parents. Its not that they hold such things over my head, its more that in some respects they still treat me as if I'm in school because I can't pay for myself yet. One of many examples is having to listen to my dad bitch about how I spend the stipends he and mom give me, but then being refused when I offer to pay them back because "its all our money anyway". I think more than anything my parents do though, I hate how I become when they are paying for me - lazy and indulgent, spending unwisely and not putting enough effort into moving towards independence because I'm still stuck to a huge safety blanket that is only too happy to smother me for another 20 years.
I was tempted to go buy a book on High Magic that I've wanted to purchase for awhile, but decided to hold off because I want to be able to hold up as much of my own weight as I can, even if its still a pitiful amount. I can't do that when the money is going towards something which, while more than entertainment to me, is still not the number one priority. Besides, I think oftentimes when it comes to esoterica, I use reading and purchasing books as a distraction from actually doing the work. Work that is more demanding and intense now that I've vowed to get it done every day.
"Details in the Fabric" - May 31, 2009
Not So Quick Questions - April 6, 2009
The Morning Stars - Lords of the 15 - April 9, 2009
Sincerity and Faith in Magic - April 10, 2009
Not So Quick Questions (2) - April 14, 2009
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