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Diaryland
Love Me? Fuck Me? Both? November 16, 2005 @ 10:15 p.m.
You ever have those days where you're stuck without a computer thinking about all the things you want to write on your blog, only to be presented with a computer later on and find you now don't feel like writing? Tough shit for me. I really wanted to write earlier, so maybe I'll be more in the mood after a few paragraphs.
I've been tired lately, and since yesterday I don't have a good excuse, as I got something like 10 hours of sleep last night, briefly interrupted when Leslie called around 9 to ask if I could substitute for her at Shomrei Torah on Saturday - right after Ryan's bar mitzvah. It will likely be a pain, but I figure that I owe her for crashing at her place several times and teaching too much adult material for 7th graders. Plus, I took the day off from Lucky Mojo anyway.
I want to have sex. I've been left to my own devices for too long. Although the imagination is a wonderful thing, I think I've stretched mine about as far as I can go for now. Figuring out more of the mystery of sex and love will require an actual human body, if not a soul. Relationships don't seem to be on the menu at this point in my life, which for the most part is ok since I don't want to settle for anything less than love and someone who truly understands me. So perhaps its time for some more casual sex.
Although, Baruch did throw a monkey wrench into things by kissing and making out with me a week or two ago. But this time, he started it, so you can't blame me for going along. I don't know what to think now - just when I've accepted that though he loves me as a friend he'll never have romantic feelings for me, he goes and does something like this. Now I don't know what's going through his head. I certainly don't want to be compared to Memo, although I doubt he likes me even that much. Apparently I'm just hot and charming but too insecure, eccentric and religious to be viable boyfriend material. I wouldn't mind so much, good sex as a runner-up not being something you can really complain about. Its just that now and then, old youthful ideas and thoughts of love surface now and then. My heart melts, and my mind has to remind it that, while anything's possible and the idea is certainly wonderful, the probability of someone actually being compatible with a guy as weird as me is highly unlikely. So I guess when it comes to love, for me, its destiny or nothing. Nothing lukewarm I suppose.
"Details in the Fabric" - May 31, 2009
Not So Quick Questions - April 6, 2009
The Morning Stars - Lords of the 15 - April 9, 2009
Sincerity and Faith in Magic - April 10, 2009
Not So Quick Questions (2) - April 14, 2009
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