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Diaryland
Epistemology October 27, 2003 @
Hi Loralea, thank you for your messages. You have not patronized me at all. Your words are always very reassuring to me. It is funny, because after I wrote that long letter and sent it to you, I actually felt a lot better- like I finally got it off my chest. I haven't been obsessing in thought since. Part of me, though, kind of feels guilty, or blasphemous, for saying the things I did. That may just be my conditioning. Having doubts or questioning things can not be wrong in itself, can it? If God is as good as all people and texts say He is, then aligning oneself with Him should become evident as the best choice. You are right - ultimately, I am the authority for my life, because I choose my response to everything, including God. At least, I think I do (you do not think our lives are all predetermined, do you?).
This is all just very difficult. I agree that Truth is better than simple belief, but that begs the question of what is truth, and how do we know it? That is a very old question - there is an entire field of philosophy called epistemology that is dedicated to studying and answering that question. I want to know the Truth more than anything, but I just do not know how to discern it. Every method seems to have problems with it - even revelation. Even mystics who have revelations seem to get different and even contradictory messages.
I keep wanting to find something to give myself whole-heartedly to, but everything keeps pushing me back to putting the authority in myself. I just do not know how I am supposed to make the right decisions - what I should do and how I should think. I know that probably sounds cowardly and weak, but I really do not know how I can be my own authority without screwing things up. How do you decide when it comes to such important things, matters of life and death? On what basis do you make such a decision? A long time ago, I thought if I could just learn as much as I could about religion, I could make a rational decision. But everything seems to be right and wrong from a certain point of view. I can't use logic to figure out spiritual issues. The problem is, I do not know if the reason things seem illogical because the reasoning is beyond my human capacity (superational), or if there is no reason and these things are just wrong (irrational). The first case would simply require faith in something beyond my reasoning, whereas the second just presents an evil that should be eliminated. The problem is that from my vantage, I cannot tell which is the case! Even if I go on intuition and such, is that really dependable? Just because something seems real does not mean it is.
Maybe I should just ask you more about your experiences. When you were illuminated, how did you react at first? Did you wonder if it was real? Did it feel real? Did you question it at all? Did it require interpretation? How did you decide what it meant and whether or not it was objectively real?
Dave
"Details in the Fabric" - May 31, 2009
Not So Quick Questions - April 6, 2009
The Morning Stars - Lords of the 15 - April 9, 2009
Sincerity and Faith in Magic - April 10, 2009
Not So Quick Questions (2) - April 14, 2009
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