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Diaryland
Personal Sense June 01, 2006 @ 10:16 a.m.
...
How are you ? I served Communion on Sunday, and asked for comfort and guidance and peace for Lester and his loved ones, all of his family, and you and Todd in particular. It was the most powerful and blessed Communion I can remember.
'Thinking of you, and holding you in prayer.
Love and Blessings,
Loralea
***
Dear Loralea,
I thank you and everyone else who prayed on behalf of Lester, his family and us. Although the circumstances were unexpected, I think Lester received a lot of blessings on his way out, and I'm told his soul is doing quite well.
Unfortunately, things down here have been quite tragic. I am very sorry to tell you that Todd and I were essentially ambushed upon arrival at Lester's service and kicked out. Lester's sister Cindy believes that Todd has been lying about Lester's possessions and such and is out to con them. Todd made some big mistakes in the past and I think she has had a grudge against him ever since. She has been suspicious of Todd stealing things ever since Lester went catatonic, and it hasn't helped that Todd was unduly concerned and inappropriately inquiring about keeping things Lester and their friend Warren promised to him. There were miscommunications that went back and forth between Warren and Lester's families and Todd, and information we didn't know about. Lester did things out of character which Cindy refused to believe Todd about. When the stories did not match up, she assumed that Todd had been maliciously lying and contriving things for selfish reasons.
When we got there, we sat down at the table with her and it started right away. She said she was thankful for everything I had done and I was welcome to stay, but then she turned to Todd and proceeded to demonize him. It was awful Lorrie - she said some terrible things to him. She told Todd that it was taking all her strength not to jump across the table and strangle him, so he didn't say anything in his defense because not only wouldn't she listen, she and the others would hurt him. She said there was a special place in hell for him, and that the only reason Les ever saw anything good in him was because he was infatuated. She then proceeded to tell him that he was not welcome in their neighborhood anymore and that if anyone ever saw him around they would kill him. On top of this, she arbitrarily decided that she was now responsible for the remaining items in Warren's estate and took Warren's ashes (which she deceived us into bringing up) as well as the old car we'd been using which Warren bequethed, with his family's ok, to Lester and Todd, and which I paid about $500 to have the brakes repaired.
I tried to reason with her, but she was absolutely sure of herself - she even said she was full of "righteous anger". They said I could stay but I had to hurry up and decide. I had no clue what to do - which friend was I supposed to support and which one abandon? So I went out to help Todd get our essentials out of the car (we had hurried up there and hadn't had a chance to unload the luggage and some Costco groceries which we had brought back from staying at my parents' in the East Bay). I was just in shock. Everyone had ganged up on us and were standing around watching us with menacing glances.
Then this woman, who I later found out was a relative, said to me that if I was going to "abandon my friend (Lester) on account of this !@#$%^& (Todd), then "shame on you - I'll pray for you". I was staring at her gold crucifix the whole time, and suddenly, it was like this wasn't just a woman - it was like she was everything wrong with Christianity and the world. I was furious and started chewing her out for knowing nothing about the situation, having no right to judge him and being self-righteous. This mad her livid and she lunged to attack me, her relatives holding her back. She started spouting off the craziest stuff about me "wanting to mess with and Indian bitch" and "bringing her whole tribe down here to kick my ass" and such. It was so Jerry Springer surreal I just started laughing; which only made things worse. She lunged again for me and I put up my arms to defend myself, when suddenly Cindy returned, and I suddenly became aware that I was fighting at my friend's memorial service. When I continued to try to reason with her and defend Todd, she kicked me out.
I held Todd and cried really hard, then we picked up the luggage and walked a few blocks away, eventually calling a friend of Todd's to give us a ride to the bus stop. That walk and the bus ride back seemed like they lasted forever. I was devastated. I didn't know if I had made the right decision or not to stay versus be there for Todd. I just didn't want to be one more person abandoning him, you know? Todd has been abandoned a lot - he went through 6 foster homes, one of which was abusive, and even his current family is unsupportive of him. So the whole way back, I turned things over in my mind, wondering if I did the right thing, feeling guilty for not having more self control with that woman, wondering if Todd had lied, and also wondering how the hell God can allow things like this to happen. Everything was just so surreal. I try to be strong Lorealea, but in times like this faith and the idea of a loving God are the most abstract and unrealistic ideas in the world. It takes everything I have just to keep the possibility that everything happens for a good reason in my mind. Everything in the experience of my entire life suggests otherwise.
It seems the entire world went to hell that last weekend. I anticipated and sensed that something was wrong with the Ring of Fire over the last few weeks, and sure enough an earthquake in Indonesia occurs and kills thousands of people. The day of the service, the charm I made and which Jessica and I blessed and dedicated to the Light was destroyed. My mom is steadily losing her health and sanity dealing with my cousin, who only with the help of a psychiatric medication known to powerfully stimulate the appetite was prevented from being hospitalized for malnutrition. My friend Desiree is falling into despair right now, being stuck alone with her young son without friends while her husband sits indefinately in prison awaiting prosecutors finding enough evidence to convince a judge or jury that he was responsible for a crime he did not commit. And judging by the psychiatric transcripts I worked on for hours yesterday, the young kids here at Sunny Hills had a horrible weekend too - plagued by terrible voices inside their heads that tell them they are worthless and to kill themselves and others, they almost accomplished such things in the last few days.
Todd and I are wounded and still kind of recovering from all of this. Ben has been helping us out over the phone, but even he is exhausted from all the healing he is trying to do for his friends up in Oregon. I have been praying the 35th psalm for everyone, and it is helping me a lot in dealing with and comprehending all of this. Todd and I have been following up with people to try to figure out what happened and what went wrong, and we're slowly putting the pieces of the puzzle together. Money is low and we're both job hunting, but I know we have a lot of people rooting for us. Its just hard to feel the love sometimes.
Thank you again for all your support. Lots of love.
David
"Details in the Fabric" - May 31, 2009
Not So Quick Questions - April 6, 2009
The Morning Stars - Lords of the 15 - April 9, 2009
Sincerity and Faith in Magic - April 10, 2009
Not So Quick Questions (2) - April 14, 2009
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